Four hours west of Albuquerque, over the mud brown desert hills, past the impossibly expansive golden plains strewn…
actually it’s spelled “Barron” Read more
When I arrived at the Capitol at 11 pm on Thursday night, there were roughly 300 people protesting in the dark. They…
In fifth grade I got a D on a history test (I had not studied) and had to take it home and have my parents sign it. Instead, I told my mom we were studying hereditary traits, and our teacher asked us to get our parents signatures to compare to our own to see whether our handwriting was similar to one parent or the… Read more
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My all time favorite prank in middle school was something by best friend and I had dubbed “shitboxering.” It was truly fucked up and evil but so, so fun. Until we got caught. Read more
In second grade I had a metal Incredible Hulk lunchbox, the kind with the sweet matching thermos. A girl in my grade called me a name when we were lined up to go inside in the morning, so I blasted her upside the head with my lunchbox. She dropped like she’d been shot. Her three older brothers saw this and rightfully… Read more
Had a similar story happen to me, except no bus to save me. Read more
In 6th grade, I was in the school library and for no good reason I just took a set of rental car keys that were sitting on the table. About 20 minutes later the gym teacher walks in and asks if anyone has seen some car keys. I say nothing. I think those keys are still at my parents’ house. Fast-forward 15 years and I… Read more
I had to have been 11 or 12. My little brother and I had gotten pretty chummy with our mailman at the time, and it got to the point where if he’d see us getting off the school bus a few blocks from our house, he’d give us a lift home in his mail truck, even letting me “drive” it down our cul-de-sac at one point (no… Read more
When I was in third grade, my best friend and I drew some pictures of some kid in our class, in which the kid was hanging out with Hitler. The kid’s father was German, and there was some rumor that he had fought in WWII, though in retrospect that was probably impossible. We planned to get up before dawn and put the… Read more
When I was in Kindergarten, I got a whistle in my stocking that sounded like a train horn when you blew into it. I really liked it and brought it in for show and tell, but Mrs. Himmelman said it wasn’t my turn. So I told her that my dad worked on a train and that he let me bring the whistle in just that one day. If I… Read more
One day I was at my cousins’ place and we inexplicably decided to smash all of the windows in their garage. Would you believe it, we got in trouble. Read more
Shot smoke bombs / firecrackers while hidden in the woods, aiming at girls in our 6th grade class during their softball practice. Read more
I graffiti’d my own carport. I denied doing it. The problem? The graffiti was my name. Read more
It did seem a little odd that he didn’t at least have the sense to jump out of his car and furiously sweep the path with his curling broom. Read more
Geralt needs to hang dong. Read more