By now you’ve probably seen Fox News host Dana Perio’s much-maligned attempt at queso, ostensibly made for Sunday night’s Super Bowl, but more likely an attempt to murder her guests with immediate organ failure.
If you haven’t seen it yet, I’m sorry. Here it is. Forgive me.
Cheesus christ, right?
Ordinarily, the tweet—and ensuing mockery—would be a one-day thing. But because to be alive is to know pain, Perino’s abomination has taken on a life of its own, and is now a star player at Fox News, where it was discussed ad nauseam (truly) on Monday, possibly knocking Sean Hannity out of the No. 1 spot for the network’s most stomach-churning feature.
“I got the recipe off the internet,” Perino insisted, somehow expecting that to fly as a legitimate excuse for concocting the sort of health hazard that Colin Powell would have loved to put in a small vial and present to the United Nations.
“You know Chili’s the restaurant?” Perino asked. “OK, it’s supposedly their recipe.”
Chili’s has, in fact, attempted to distance themselves from this whole thing, by sharing what their queso is supposed to look like.
Is this an improvement? I leave you to answer that question yourselves.
For Perino’s co-host Greg Gutfeld, however, the disgusting glop offered an easy pivot to what, in his Fox-addled brain, must have seemed like an obvious corollary: The blackface scandal engulfing Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam.
“They’re like that governor of Virginia,” Gutfeld yukked. “We had nothing to do with that queso!”
Hilarious racism-based comedy!
And that, you might think, would be that. But no, because Perino’s dip is now scheduled for a guest spot on Monday night’s episode of Fox News’ The Five, where she will “warm it up for a taste test.”
In all likelihood, every single person in the Fox News studio will suffer a debilitating bout of on-air diarrhea, and this horrifying mess will become an incredibly cursed three-day story.